SO, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE TOUGH ENOUGH TO TRY
TO LEARN ENGLISH?

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave.
It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your
leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1)  The bandage was wound around the wound.
2)  The farm was used to produce produce.
3)  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4)  He could lead if he would get the lead out.
5)  Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
6)  A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
7)  When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
8)  I did not object to the object.
9)  The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
10) They were too close to the door to close it.
11) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
12) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
13)  After a number of injections my jaw got number.
14)  Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
15)  I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
16)  How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
17)  Do you know which witch was which?

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.  And why is it that
writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth
is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese.  or, one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you
call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.  English was invented by  people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

If you enjoy this, PASS IT ON!
(Received by e-mail - Author Unknown)